Month end was always a busy time. There's also a project going on and makes me even busier. I'm glad I'm able to post this now. I don't really have the mood after the closing till now. The month end weekend, little boy was sick with vomiting due to stomach flu. I was busy the full day wiping, cleaning, cooking porridge, feeding him, checking his temperature as he has fever too. I brought him, carrying him, 15kg now, to a nearby clinic. I was all alone. He's very heavy to me now.. I can't really carry him when we came back then, as I've to walk up the slope.
I felt pain looking at him vomiting still after taking the medicine. He was also complaining pain and sick. I tried to feed him probiotic but he vomited that too.. It's like full noon till almost night time, he has been very weak and feverish. Only at night, he was better and I felt better then.
I felt pain looking at him vomiting still after taking the medicine. He was also complaining pain and sick. I tried to feed him probiotic but he vomited that too.. It's like full noon till almost night time, he has been very weak and feverish. Only at night, he was better and I felt better then.
During the noon time, I felt that sad feeling again... handling things alone, as if nobody wanted me. It happened long ago, after my first child... maybe that is called depression stage? I was alone too handling my first born during the weekends. My mom doesn't wish to see my little baby then at home as she had already taken care of her during the weekdays. So me and my little baby then stayed home alone. Being a first time mother is not easy and worst still alone at home handling everything myself. Maybe because of that, every time when I handle my kids alone, especially when they are sick, I feel very down. That 'not wanted / not being loved' kind of feelings haunt me again.
I just need that care and love from someone, but nobody is around :( it gets worst when not treated. I will feel like even ending my life. It was only treated when someone hug and kissed me, of course that has to come from my love ones! :) Also turning to the bible... which I've not been looking at it for some time. I told myself I have to go back there to dig the treasure.. for peace of mind
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5,6
So today only am posting this... bento on the plate with rice, peas on the pod, capsicums, carrots, chicken.
Take a deep breath, get someone who you can trust and talk to or maybe can consult a doctor (have to get a good one).
ReplyDeleteAnd always tell yourself "Will Be Better Tomorrow". Give yourself some objective to achieve in the tomorroe to continue your journey.
Maybe some simple steps might help you:
1) clearly define the problem.
2) it's time to look for solutions to resolve it.
3) it's time to make a plan to put the solution into practice.
http://www.depression.org.nz/waythrough/self+help/problem+solving
Thank you very much for your caring. I've just read the website and there are things I'm doing now. Exercise, doing things that I like (eg. drawing/sketching), remembering my love ones...
DeleteI wouldn't want and will not disappoint my love ones :)
I'm grateful for your comments and really appreciate it. May God bless you.